Black Rock Chic

me and him

He has a girlfriend, he has a car given by parents, he has pocket money to date from parents, he study in an elite university, he thinks about marriage lately and the parents accept it. He meet his girlfriend every single day. Mom always prepare him nice and expensive food, always remember to buy him new clothes for school, food for eat, and car needs. So basically, his life is so MUCH more perfect than me.

While me…

I have one sincere boyfriend who loves me since I was in a bad, ugly, imperfect condition, which means, he loves me whether I’m fat, ugly, had many acnes, wearing odd glasses, wearing over sized clothes, etc. I never demand any pocket money for dating from parents, my boyfriend pays it all from the money he gets from many kinds of hard work. My boyfriend helps me a lot for my studies, life, and matters. We spent a time without any much luxury, we communicate well, even though we DID NOT meet every single day, yes, we understand each other condition. We don’s put expectations on each other, we just pursuing happiness. But, they make it hard for my boyfriend to reach me, it’s not a big problem for him, but I’m just asking why, why so different? I don’t demand anything, we both just wanna be happy, why so hard to understand? why so hard to believe your own child?

I don’t want

I cannot imagine, seeing you from the other world, that you were having a great morning with your wife, chatting with her parents, and playing with your kids.

I can’t stand how much the pain I will face. Knowing that we were wishing to be forever, but now we’re in a different world. 

I want someday, in another cycle of life, for being your girl, your only one

Pathetic Wishes

I wish to cut off my leg, so that I’m running no where, just here, by myside, alone, waiting for you to come back.

I wish to cut off my arms, so nobody wants to reach me and hug me, cause I believe in this condition, only you’re the one who wants to hug me, whether you know I couldn’t hug you back, cause I’ve lost my arms.

I wish to go on an accident which makes my eyes go blind, so that I’m not gonna know when the truth wanna tells me that you already with another girl or maybe you’re finally found someone who’s prettier than me. Cause it hurts a lot, knowing you forgot me, when I’m still loving you.

I wish to wake up int the morning and suddenly my ears become deaf, cause I don’t wanna hear anyone controlling me anymore, in fact, I dont need people like them, I wanna live my life, thinking what makes me happy, I wanna live by my own.

I wanna sleep forever, cause I found peace, a blissful place that makes me smile, forgetting all of the problems I need to face.

I wish to die young, cause I’m not happy, I’m pathetic, ugly and so many people hurt me. The world is against me. I can’t lie to my heart, I’m loving him, and still till forever I believe, but the condition makes me having no choice. Why do I have to live in this cruel life?

It so hard just how people start to understand when I’m dead. Funny, people start to open their eyes. People start to realize how to make other people happy. I’m done with this world full of hate, anger, greediness , fame, etc. 

God, maybe sometimes it’s best for me to face the death. Cause I’m tired, dealing with pain and tears. I had enough. Just enough time.